FREE TO EXPRESS

© RYAN GUILEY

(A LETTER TO DENISE) 

This is unfair since, I am not able to feel that I can’t write anything down, since they are continuously watching, and I have no where safely to put my thoughts on paper.  If I go somewhere they are watching and will know what I must write.  I want to write you a letter to tell you to believe in me and that we have each other.  I don’t know where to go because they follow me everywhere that I go to.  I remember that night that I stayed at the hotel and wrote in the dark closet.  A person should be feel free to express their thoughts on paper and have privacy.  But they want to know everything before hand and not make my case credible.  All the information is in my head right now, and that’s how it was before since I was scared to write it on paper.  I don’ trust anyone except you, but I know that people mislead you and put ideas in your head.  I must go back and try and remember everything.  That is what I did before and finally wrote it on paper, since I got assurance that you were safe in Kingston.  Now, they will do something if I fall asleep so they can get the information from me.  There is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to just fall to sleep so suddenly.  I can’t go no where else except to be beside you.  It is an unfair disadvantage that you are not through my side this whole time as I can’t advise you on what to say or do.  I tried sleeping in my car at night, but that didn’t work out.  I should be able to feel free to go somewhere without being watched continuously.  Even if I did find a spot, they would find the written papers and read them.  Now, I am paranoid if I fall asleep what will happen.  One thing to go through your computers and other personal items but not your mind.  It’s like if they have an electronic wave that is hitting my head to make me fall asleep at a certain time.  I am more that capable staying up all night but not anymore since there is something different now. Maybe they are using subliminal messages on the computer screen or low pitch noises that only the ear can hear.  There is no reason why I should be tired at 1:00A.M.

Love Ryan